I hated this before I even opened it and was right to do so.  Hi, Squid Pants here and I am filled with nausea and regret!

GMO Cookies

GMO Cookies is GMO (Garlic Mushrooms Onion) which I find off-putting but not terrible, and Girl Scout Cookies, which I love.  I figured the scents and tastes together would be a weirdly savoury cookie at worst.  Live and learn, it was far worse.

Spinach

Spinach is owned by Peace Naturals Project Inc. and is a budget brand.  They do well in their market segment and this is my second experience with them.  The first was a terrible vape cartridge that tasted like spearmint gum for some reason.  Considering what I went through so far from this brand I think it’s safe to say it’s also likely my last.

Sound

Bonus metric today!  Before opening it sounded like it was a container with nothing but a handful of seeds inside.  What an auspicious start!  I had no idea what I was going to find but from the sound I knew it would be bad.  I was not prepared.

Packaging

White plastic bin that is a gigantic size relative to the contents, which of course lead to damage to the already terrible contents.  The seal was a foil lined paper seal and was bonded to the bin very well, so there’s that.  This was packaged on November 1st, 2021 and I was regretfully fooled into opening this 129 days later on March 10th, 2022.

Looks

This looks terrible.  Too small to be smalls, it’s fine gravel size chunklets with sticks in it.  I even included a photo of one of my favourite sticks from this package for your amusement!  Who thought this was salable?

Feel

It’s dense, so, that’s nice.  Powders completely under light to moderate pressure.  Why if it’s so dry does it have so much reek?  Doesn’t grind so much as powders and the grinds have no cohesion.  Unfortunately handling just releases more of that horrible smell.

Scent

Have you ever smelled a cadaver that had been rotting for a few days in a warm, high humidity environment?  Unfortunately I have, and when I opened the seal that plus the unmistakable stench of faecal matter and horrifyingly intense body odour assaulted me.  The small amount of vomit that made it to my mouth from that assault was an improvement.  That’s not sarcasm, that’s an accurate description of my experiences and thoughts.

I am not sure I can cope with this, but maybe this is like Durian fruit.  Durian has a strong corpse and body odour smell but the fruit tastes very different to most people.  Not all, most.  I’ve had durian, it didn’t taste much better to me than the smell (in case I was one of the unlucky, the fruit seller gave me some mangosteen to try and cleanse my palate if needed.  Turns out Mangosteen is, regardless of context, the most amazing fruit I’ve ever had) but at least in that case the taste was a bit different to me than the smell.

Ok, scent impression is established, let’s move on to taste.

Taste

Volcano:  HAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!!!!  No, I’m not polluting my Volcano with this.  I’d rather throw out half a joint if it’s too gross than have to throw out my volcano.

 

Joint:  I was still almost sick but the taste is nowhere near as intense as the scent.  In fact the taste is very weak.  Presence of lavender tastes in the smoke.  I’ve never met a GMO which didn’t have that floral taste and I quite like it.  I wish that floral element dominated taste, but here it didn’t, it was merely detectable.  Credit where it’s due, this burned perfectly as far as complete combustion goes, but burned way too fast due to dryness.

I’m sorry, I don’t want to introspect and elaborate on this any more, I hate this weed and am grasping at straws here trying to just get through this.  

Price and Value

This was purchased from the good folk at Green Merchant in The Annex for $29.95 before tax, which is about $8.56 per gram, again before taxes.  THC total is listed as 25.4% (which I highly doubt, this was really weak) and price per 100mg of THC if you believed that percentage number is $3.37.  There is no case for value here, even if this smelled and tasted wonderful to me the quality of product is so far below what is available for less per gram that there is no reason to even consider this for purchase.

Conclusions

Everyone’s perceptions are different, and really what I perceive as death, filth and waste you might detect as savoury and exotic.  Even if that’s so and you wonder what I’m on about and what’s wrong with my perception every other attribute here is objectively unacceptable.

There are so many other offerings at or below this price that this shouldn’t even be considered.

I cleansed my palette with the last bud of Black Sugar Rose I was saving since I liked that one so much more.  I paid a lot less for it too.  Enough said.

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